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4 minsWe don’t exactly live in a culture that favours delayed gratification, and for many years, discussions around sex have revolved around the big ‘O’s’, how we can have more orgasms, more often and faster. However, the trendy technique known as ‘edging’ has other ideas about how we come. Could delaying orgasm make sex even more satisfying?
Edging is a form of orgasm control that involves taking yourself or your partner to the cusp of climax and then backing off. Generally, until you can’t take it anymore, and usually resulting in a deeper, more intense orgasm.
Edging is for anybody interested in deliberately delaying their orgasm to enhance it, gain more control over their body or both.
It can feel like being suspended in the growing tension of pre-orgasm, even a kind of elongated orgasm. Many also report a kind of transcendence, like a little ego death.
There is undeniable power in holding somebody’s orgasm in your hands and not letting go. Being teased, made to admit how much you want it, made to beg for permission…yes, it’s kinky.
There are several different ways to edge, depending on your body and limits. Here are some tips:
And if you’re feeling really inspired, you could even start the action with a blowjob at home and then edge through dinner. There are no limits to how you want to limit your orgasms! You could even send your partner an explicit picture in the morning. Edging is all about building tension, and there are psychological and physical ways to do that.
You could trace modern edging back to ancient Eastern traditions like tantrism, where the focus was on coitus reservatus, or withholding semen. Male ejaculation was seen as energy-draining and abstaining meant more women could be pleasured and the man would achieve immortality.
In the 60s, philosopher and Zen Buddhist, Alan Watts described slower, ‘contemplative sex’ as far superior to regular intercourse, just a ‘sneeze in the loins’. In this meditative sex, the goal of orgasm is removed, and partners can simply experience ‘what is’ over what should be. A spiritual experience that can deepen a couple’s connection with each other. As sex unfolds over hours, women may have multiple orgasms too.
Inevitably how you spend this extra time is going to contribute to feelings of intimacy. Looking into each other’s eyes, talking, and other forms of touch that accompany sex all contribute to the oxytocin-boosting benefits of slowing down as much as delaying the orgasm itself.
According to Dr James Kashanian, a urologist at New York-Presbyterian Hospital Cornell, edging is a safe technique for men that is sometimes effective in delaying premature ejaculation.
Far from being anti-climactic, the beauty of edging lies in how it completely reframes your attitude to sex. Without the emphasis usually placed on orgasms, or goal-oriented sex, you can relax into it and explore all the other intricacies of sex. I also like how edging leaves me not only more connected to myself and my partner but to my imagination; It’s like reading the book instead of watching the film. Definitely, the most interesting form of meditation I’ve found so far.
Want to explore sex more and learn some pleasure tips from our models? Check out our sex ed series!
